George Carlin Again 1978 Full Transcript
George Carlin's Monologue
…..George Carlin
Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen, GeorgeCarlin!
[Thanks and adulation. George Carlin emerges from theaudience and heads to Home Base. Just it's a videotapeof Carlin'south entrance from the very first episode ofSaturday Night Live in 1975: he wears long hair, abeard and mustache, a T-shirt under a nighttime arrange. Aftera moment, nosotros dissolve to Carlin, live in 1984,continuing at Home Base: his hair, beard and mustacheare neatly trimmed – he wears eyeglasses, a casualblue shirt and dark slacks. Thank you and applausecontinue.]
George Carlin: All correct, all correct, all right.Thank you. Hey. Come on, now. [crowd finally quiets]Permit me ask you lot something. Who was that guy on thetape? … Does anybody know who that was? He sure hada lot o' hair, I'll tell ya that. … Yeah, I hosted,uh, the very first Saturday Night Live — ix yearsago — and they told me if I did a real skillful job,they'd have me dorsum. … And so here I am and I'm reallyglad that some people live upwards to their word.
On that kickoff show, I did a monologue most God. Andbefore the prove was over, past one in the forenoon, uh,we had the Archbishop of New York, Central Cooke, onthe phone, complaining about the monologue. Seems hedidn't remember that God was a suitable discipline for amonologue. Okay in a sermon only – Non in a monologue…. And I didn't really say anything THAT wrong — Ifelt. I mean, all I said was, it was my feeling thatif – if you await at it real carefully, that maybe -maybe – God isn't perfect. You know? Just perchance He'snot perfect. I mean, if He created usa in His own imageand likeness, how perfect could He be, y'all know? … Imean, uh, if God created everything, I'd say He has aserious quality command problem. …
And I retrieve information technology shows upwardly in His work. I mean, if youtake a look at a mountain range — they're allcrooked, they're not nicely upwards in a line … they'reall different sizes, yous know. Leaves, the same thing.You tin can't notice 2 leaves the same. Even fingerprints.He tin't make two fingerprints the aforementioned! He's got fourand a half billion people to work with — He can'tmake two of 'em the aforementioned. …
Now, the reason I'm repeating these things is 'cause Ithought possibly at present that I'm back, possibly we could getthe Archbishop on the telephone again tonight. … Now,it's non the same man. Now, it'south, uh, ArchbishopO'Connor. And I'g non sure nearly his viewing habits. Idon't know how late he stays up at night. Probably,he's working on some really tough, serious governmentproblem at this fourth dimension. … Yous know? Well, these days,clergyman have to devote and then much time to politics thatthey really don't have whatsoever time to think … much less- much less picket TV. [cheers and applause]
But who knows? At present, that the ballot is over, maybehe's sittin' over there with Jerry Falwell, splittin'a pizza … readin' the Constitution and flippin' thedial … and, uh, perhaps they'll give u.s.a. a call. I toldthem in the command room — if we got a call fromArchbishop O'Connor — please, take a number and I'llget back to him, okay? …
And, hey, speaking – speaking of Jerry Falwell, thishas been a foreign yr. 1984? We started with Orwelland wound up with Falwell? … Huh? I'thou non reallysure how this church and state separation stuff isgonna work out. Ah, personally, I'm in favor of theseparation of church and state. My feeling is thateither one of these institutions screws y'all upwards badenough on its ain. … You put them together and yougot certain death. …
So, uh, I would similar to brainstorm the show with a prayertonight, if you don't mind. … Uh, this is a littleprayer dedicated to the separation of church andstate. And I judge if they're gonna force those kidsto pray in school, they might as well take a niceprayer similar this:
Our Begetter who art in Heaven
And to the Democracy for which information technology stands …
Thy kingdom come up,
One nation, indivisible
As information technology is in Heaven …
Give us this day
As nosotros forgive those
Who so proudly we hail …
Crown Thy practiced
Into temptation …
Just deliver us from
The twilight.
Amen …
[Thanks and applause]
Okay. We'll be right back.
[Even louder thank you and applause as we pull back anddissolve to a wider shot that includes the crowdbefore fading out.]
Submitted Anonymously
SNL Transcripts
Source: https://snltranscripts.jt.org/84/84emono.phtml
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